The feedback provided on the first draft was illuminating in highlighting the importance of clear, concise writing. The feedback emphasised the importance of appropriate paragraphing. Too short or too long paragraphs are not appropriate for clear communication of the idea. Another major aspect of the feedback provided is concerned with the referencing. The feedback showed that each idea presented should be backed by appropriate referencing for better impact. Without healthy references, the ideas, arguments, and analysis presented are not considered to have any weight. Thus, authentic references were used to back the analysis and arguments presented.
The feedback also emphasised on using a clear thesis outline. I would consider the feedback as healthy criticism which enabled me to view my essay from a critic’s point of view. If the feedback had asked for altering my essay title, I would certainly have done it. It would certainly have been the right way forward. It would have needed me to research from scratch; however, it would have been worth the result (a better essay).
The feedback has forced me to improve my essay be assessing it for some weak arguments, analysis, and reference-fewer points. I have thoroughly read my essay and used references wherever it was needed. I also looked for weaker arguments and added authentic references backed points. I rearranged paragraphs for making it more clear and increasing fluency in writing.
The essay is organised into a more concise and clear paragraphs with all discussing a clear topic or argument. The headings used in the start of new sections of the essay are changed into being more proper topic sentences, and less journalistic headings.
I have made changes to the sources after receiving feedback for the first draft. I have integrated new sources in the final draft, which are more authentic and add depth to the arguments. The newly added sources are also added for backing the new arguments added in the essay.
The main focus of the essay is to highlight the effect of restrictions in China on free trade on the relationship of the two nations; USA & China. The key arguments made in the essay include the arguments;
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- China has intensified restrictions specifically on US companies; the content and information provided by US products are provided in China by other alternatives. Thus, the restriction is not upon content but on US companies
- The aim of restrictions is political and not social; it is protectionism
- The US business is suffering billions of dollars from the restrictions on information flow and US tech companies. The foreign suppliers are
- There is a potential risk of losing privacy from the scrutiny of the Chinese government
The four key sources used are all website sources which informed about the situation of the Chinese restrictions and its effect on the US and China relationship. I have used the sources to build my arguments presented above. The sources provide evidence that the US is affecting financially from these restrictions. It also provides evidence that China is targeting US companies specifically with the aim of protectionism.
Since writing this essay, I had to go through a lot of academic, journal, and website sources. The interesting part was learning about the reason behind the restrictions and analysing how strategically these are imposed. Another interesting aspect was to know the financial effect of these restrictions on US trade which is not yet realised by the US government. The difficult aspect of the research was to look for evidence in support of solutions for this problem.
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